This is exciting. It’s been a long time coming; especially knowing about it since the early stages and just having to wait and wait, but now it’s here. The cutegirlbutts one hundred best films of 2013!!!
I was expecting this to be a super fun experience to read through, and it was, and then things started to go downhill. I had to stop because actually I was getting really confused and sad. Reading through this list of one hundred movies was slowly making me increasingly introspective as I thought about the stuff I’d watched that year, and the last time I’d really connected with a movie.
Sure, I’d watched some stuff I’d had a good time with, but in a way, the last year or so was spent marginalising the process of watching movies into this really passive activity to do whilst I was working or really tired. Because of that I’d been almost exclusively watching the mid-range action genre. And because those movies aren’t great, but there’s nothing to compare them to, I started to just be like well yeah, I guess this isn’t awful so it must be good, then every so often I’d make an effort to go and see something proper and it would just seem amazing by comparison. But even then it would be like big budget action.
There’s something really important about watching stuff you can connect with and really get something out of. The last thing that really did that was Safety Not Guaranteed, back in 2012, and I can’t rate that highly enough. Every little storyline really got to me, and it’s such a great feeling to be like oh I can relate to this, and i know what that’s like, and when I finish watching this, i want to get up and be the best version of me that I can. Jeff Who Lives At Home too, to an extent, had a lot of beats like that. Movies that get inside your head and mean something to you are really important.
But for the past maybe 16 months I have basically been watching Olympus Has Fallen and it doesn’t feel great. And reading through this list and thinking about all the stuff I put time into has made me reconsider the way that I’m watching and engaging with this thing that can be so powerful and important to you if you let it, but also just really mundane and passive if that’s what you choose. It’s made me want to be a better person.
I hope you get something similarly profound from it.
I made notes as I went through the list one by one. Spoilers, I’ve only actually seen about a quarter of them, so there’s a lot of uninformed opinions on my part. I’ll put a bracket by the ones I’ve watched with where they fall on my top 29. So from the top:
100(23). Ass backwards – Shit, this is even on the list? I really wanted to like this because JDR, but it’s just not very good at all, and they didn’t thank Jason in the credits
99(20). Identity Thief – 99 seems harsh but then again, it’s not very good
98. Rapture- Palooza – Don’t know what this is but it sounds like This Is The End on a budget with a more likable cast
97. Hours – RIP Paul Walker. Never heard of this. Doesn’t sound great
96. Carrie – I’ve been struggling with getting around to watching this for month and this isn’t exactly helping
95. Jobs – The poster looks awful. I didn’t realize this was a real film. Thought it was a TV movie or some shit
94(27). Star Trek: Into Darkness – Like fuck this. Seriously fuck this movie. I understand that technically it’s a better movie than like ass backwards, but fuck this movie
93. Oz the Great and Powerful – This looked fun and I have nothing against it I just also don’t care at all
92. Snitch – There are like 30 of this movie released every year and I already watched the other 29 and I don’t think I like the rock as a lead, probably won’t watch it
91. Texas Chainsaw 3D – How many of these are there now? I’m sort of impressed it made the 100 cause it looks shitty?
90(26). Kick Ass 2 – Shit. Wasn’t expecting this. Actually matches up with my feelings on it. Felt like I had liked it a lot less on initial chats. I really wanted to like this. I thought the original was great, but this time around it felt like they didn’t really have anything of substance, and kept resorting the sudden bursts of shock and emotional manipulation to make you feel like you were engaging. And the cgi in that fucking van scene?
89. The Necessary Death of Charlie Countryman – What is this? I would have probably watched this based on the title if I had been told about it
88. Parkland – This sounds kind of serious and sad but also Zac Efron is in it?
87(13). Olympus has fallen – the epitome of my problem with watching movies. I have a lot of goodwill towards this movie. It’s kind of simple and straightforward and it does just what you expect and I quite like that sort of idiot action genre
86. Escape plan -This one looks fun. I really hope it comes on Netflix so I can watch it
85. The to-do list – Oh I have this to watch. I’m not expecting great things but it’s a nice cast and concept
84. Hell-Baby – It was between this and ass backwards and I chose to watch ass backwards. Maybe I shouldn’t have
83. Trance – This seems really low? Like it’s hitting an average rating well above these others and it looked good? I want to see it?
82(11). This seems low too. I was kind of bummed about this, I really wanted a solid wolverine movie and it’s got its moments but you know :/// Jackman is so great and stuff. The fact that it’s my 10th favorite movie of the year and I didn’t even like it that much highlights the problem.
81. Don Jon – When all the trailers were coming out I was excited about this and then it just simmered out. I like JGL but everyone’s poor reactions put me off
80(21). World War Z – Ugh. The world war z of movies released this year. The epitome of fine
79. Clear History – Sounds silly. Not interested.
78. The Railway Man – My grandparents said this was good. So it’s got that going for it
77. ACOD – It’s a shame cause the cast is great and Adam Scott’s a cutie
76. The invisible Woman – Ummmmm…
75. Enders Game – Was this meant to be the start of a big franchise but then there was a homophobic thing?
74(19). Elysium – I feel like this should be lower. I’d say it was a huge disappointment but I went in with low expectations. There was so much potential and interesting stuff going on in this movie, and it kept getting my hopes up, but then they just avoid it all and follow this mediocre semi explained plot. Looks great. Not great
73. The Last Stand – Was going to watch then saw Johnny Knoxville second billed
72. The Heat – People liked this right?
71. The Fifth Estate – I feel like this was meant to be a bigger deal than it was?
70(17). Oblivion – Moon for idiots
69(12). Despicable Me 2 – It was nice, certainly not as good as the first but I liked the bit where it had the same scene as Riddick
68. Inequality for all – Ok
67. Out of the Furnace – I was meant to go and see this but I went to the wrong cinema. I don’t feel as bad about that now
66. Crystal Fairy and the Magical Cactus – Netflix keeps telling me to watch this
65. Rewind This! – Looks fun, didn’t know it existed, and won’t watch it
64(6). RIPD – Fuck that. This is a great movie hidden inside a bad movie. Seriously, with a like, 10 minute, look over the script from not an idiot, and 80% less ADR, this could have been amazing
63. Pain and Gain – I hear idiots saying this is really good
62. Lone Survivor – America the movie
61. Stoker – This came out ages ago! My dad said it was good I think
60. Mama – Seems about right for a horror
59. GI Joe Retaliation – Hahaha no thanks
58(15). The Worlds End – I think I go the opposite way on this to an extent? I felt like the Simon Pegg going through stuff plot line was half developed, and when it came down to a point where it could actually mean something, they avoided it. I also felt like while the writing and the delivery was excellent throughout, the action sequences just dragged on. Don’t get me wrong, I didn’t NOT enjoy this, and I’m not worried about ant man, it just felt a bit shallow?
57. Filth – Pid’s flat
56(7). Monsters University – Oh this was fun. I went to see it with actual children and they were a nightmare. It’s not the first one, but it’s a super enjoyable animated movie
55. 2 Guns – Had this for ages. Don’t know why.
54(18). This Is The End – This was fine. I think I wanted it to be much better than it was and then I was disappointed. It’s a reverse world war z
53(???). The Day of the Doctor – What? This counts? Okay? Well yeah this seems reasonable. I was a bit disappointed cause I just wanted like, an hour of my mind being blown and then it was just quite enjoyable which felt underwhelming.
52. Cutie and the Boxer – Sounds weird
51(16). The Lone Ranger – I have all the good will in the world for this movie. I though the performances were solid, hammer was v likeable and it looked great. I want it to be good so much. It’s just so long. I believe that within those 149 minutes, is a very snappy and enjoyable 90-100 minute movie that wouldn’t have felt rushed at all, but I’d totally recommend watching it as it is! That train scene, despite its insane length, IS great! I just… Go watch it. Watch it when you have a few hours with nothing else to do like on a train and it’ll be great!
50. Blackfish – I keep getting told to watch this and I just don’t want to
49. Hunger Games: Catching Fire – The first one was okay
48. Nymphomaniac Volume II – I don’t even understand what this is
47(3). Alan Partridge; Alpha Papa – I think this was really the only point where I severely disagreed with the ratings. The majority of what I watched this year was poor quality that I didn’t particularly like and I have no problem with it being displayed as such, but I thought this was great. I mean obviously it’s super subjective and saying ’it’s funny’ is never going to hold up because it’s totally up to you what you laugh at. I watched a lot of Alan Partridge when I was a kid. My mum had weird ideas about what children should and shouldn’t watch and that was required viewing. This felt like that stuff I used to love and it never seemed to lag or lose pace. Whilst it’s not the sort of thing where you’re going to really connect or get something deeper out of it, I had a great time and I’m a big fan of this movie.
46. The Kings of Summer – Sounds like an e4 show
45. Curse of Chucky – I’m sort of annoyed because this sounds like it’s actually good, but I had to watch two of the other fucking chucky sequels in the run up to this and they were both awful
44. Fruitvale station – Sounds nice
43(10). Side Effects – This was a good movie. Seeing it was good
42. Dirty Wars – I don’t really watch documentaries because they don’t have Jensen Ackles in and this sounds like a documentary made for idiots like me
41. A field in England – Trailers for this were awful but I’m starting to think I might like it?
40. About Time – That guy from that show
39. Philomena – Reviews for this were insane, really wanted to see it
38(9). I didn’t enjoy pitch black. I know that’s not okay or whatever, but I just didn’t. I did however enjoy chronicles, and I enjoyed this too
37. The Square – More docs
36. The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug – I have nothing against this, and this description makes me exited to see it, I just want to watch it at home where I can pause it and take breaks
35. The Great Beauty – Sounds odd
34. 20 Feet from Stardom – I don’t even?
33. The Conjuring – This is 33? I thought you were all about this?
32(5). Thor: The Dark World – Oh I go higher on this. I’m a big fan of the comic genre, and although I feel like this movie takes a little while to find it’s feet, when it does it’s just super fun. There are points, especially early on, where it feels really TV and I was stressed but it gets passed that nicely and the third act is a non-stop good time.
31. Pacific Rim – Didn’t see it, sure it’s fun
30. August: Osage County – I don’t understand this but apparently it’s good
29. Enough Said – Yep
28. Nymphomaniac Volume I – So this is much better than the second bit?
27. Fast & Furious 6 – I’ve only seen one f&f. But I love everything about the series and I’m really happy it exists. I can’t wait to watch this film when I finally catch up with all of them
26(8). Evil Dead – I really enjoyed this film. I enjoyed the original a lot, and from the moment I was introduced to the idea of this one I was on board. I was too scared to see it cinematically but I had a great time viewing on DVD. Practical effects look great and the The Evil Dead elements are super fun
25. Saving Mr. Banks – I kept forgetting this existed and I really want to watch it. It looks like a feel good movie
24. Drinking Buddies – Shit. This is unexpected. I was put off (stupidly) watching this by the mediocre ratings. Should have seen it. Cast is great and I’m sure I’d have enjoyed
23. Captain Phillips – I didn’t think I’d like it either, maybe I should watch it
22. In a World – This was another drinking buddies situation. Even my dad said it was worth watching (I think) and I just didn’t get to it
21. Rush – I guess there was nothing really drawing me to this but I’m sure it’s great to watch
20. Behind the Candelabra – I didn’t think this would be good but then everyone started telling me it was good. I’m probably never going to watch this
19. The Way Way Back – Really want to watch this. Fucked up by not. I’m an idiot. Will watch soon
18. Frozen – I’m not really into a lot of the Disney films. Just not my thing. Whatever
17. The Spectacular Now – I heard about this but I didn’t know what it was. Will probably watch it
16. 12 Years a Slave – I don’t know, I’m sure it’s good, I just have trouble sitting down to watch stuff that’s difficult right now. I’ll probably watch it in a few years and think its great like the hurt locker
15. Prisoners – I had this on DVD and I lost it and I was bummed about that. Would like to watch.
14. The Wolf of Wall Street – I had no interest in this, and maybe part of that was everyone around me blowing it well out of proportion. I’ll watch it at some point but no rush
13. Short Term 12 – My dad said it was good. Apparently he was right
12. Blue Jasmine – Nothing about this movie makes me want to watch it, but I guess at this point I should just watch all of them
11. All is Lost – Never even heard of it. Sounds intense
10. The Act of Killing – I heard a lot about this and I didn’t care because documentary. Maybe I should stop being like that
9(4). Iron Man 3 – This was great. I refer to the cutegirlbutts description
8. Blue is the Warmest Colour – A lot of people were talking about this and somewhere between the three hours and the subtitles I was like no and then forgot about it
7(1). Dallas Buyers Club – In a year where I had previously watched entirely garbage movies, this was just insane. It was like a new level of film. While I can totally agree with some of the points made: ‘it may not have some of the best music, cinematography things like that. None of that will really stand out to you’ (The pause fade bit really jarred for me) – That’s not what you’re seeing this for. You’re seeing it because it’s great actors telling an intense story through some perfect performances. Jared Leto in particular – and I’m a big non-fan – just kills it so hard. That performance is beautiful and charming and really made me feel inside. I can’t eloquently sum it up, but if you haven’t seen it you should watch it, and I loved it.
6. Before Midnight – I don’t know what this is. Is this like a thing?
5. Nebraska – Oh I wanted to watch this because I quite like will forte. Maybe I will
4. American Hustle – Really wanted to see this. Just didn’t. Sad about that.
3. Inside Llewyn Davis – I didn’t really know what this was, but I’m sure it’s good. Justin timer lake.
2. Gravity – I think I avoided this because it was like oh see this in 3d n shit, and it wasn’t really doing much to make me want to watch it. I don’t know what I even want to watch it now.
1(2). Her – Her makes me feel weird. There are times in my life when watching this would have really got to me and I would have fucking loved it. But when it came to seeing it, I enjoyed it and I really appreciate it but I just didn’t engage like I could have. And maybe that’s down to the fact that I’ve become so unaccustomed to getting involved with movies emotionally or maybe I’m just not at a point where I can do that or whatever. But this movies great. It’s sweet, it’s beautiful, I really loved the score, and there’s no question that it’s going to hit so close to home. I just feel like I really fucked up my own experience with it and that makes me feel weird. I hope at some point I can come back to this and really get everything out of it that it has to offer.
Quick overview of the shit I watched this year that didn’t make the list (out of 29):
29. A Good Day to Die Hard – just don’t even fucking bother
28. Man of Steel – giant fucking mess, Snyder does Nolan for three hours and it’s boring and nobody cares
25. Now You See Me – clever film with a twist for idiots. Last half hour is the biggest fuck you to an audience possible. Cant wait for the sequel.
24. Red 2 – ruining your memory of Red
22. Hansel and Gretel Witch Hunters – Should have been really fun and stupid but it just dragged and Famke sucks the energy out of everything and anything
14. Parker – this was fine. Statham punches and shoots stuff. whatever.
thanks for your time. go watch some stuff you actually care about. or don’t. just do something you enjoy okay?